Mello Wonka
by XxEijibabyxX
Summary: Who else fits the role of Willy Wonka better than Mello? What would happen if he had his own chocolate factory?
1. Distribution

-Mello Wanka-

By: XxEijibabyxX

A/N: Mello is definitely the perfect person to be Willy Wonka! He's even got the perfect hair for it. The characters in this story are based off of characters from the real story, only changes were made because they can't be exactly alike. L is not dead because he is my favorite character and we all know that Death Note isn't Death Note without L.

A loud knock on the door startled Mello, who was engrossed in his work. It could only be them. Mello is the owner of the newly built chocolate factory in England. There was something about his chocolate that made it the best selling. If you walked by his factory, the essence of chocolate drifted into your nose, so sweet that you could almost feel it melting on your tongue. The secret? No one knew and Mello would never tell. The majority of the time, he spent in his office brainstorming ideas for new candy and different chocolates to invent. His office was rather tiny. Perhaps that was due to all of the boxes of chocolate surrounding him. There are very few times in which you see Mello without a chocolate bar. The gang usually brought them to him. By the gang, I mean his oompa loompas, also known as the mafia. They did as Mello told them. It was also them who were at the door. Mello broke off a piece of chocolate, which he put in his mouth, then set the remaining chocolate on his cluttered desk.

There was another loud knock, this time more impatiently. Mello opened the door and motioned the small group inside. Quickly he peered out to see if anyone was around, then went back in and slammed the door behind him. The small group, the oompa loompas, didn't look pleasant. Infact, they really did look like the mafia except for their lack in height. Actually they really looked like gangsters the way that they dressed, in jeans, white t-shirts, and several chains around their neck. Some were even wearing grills and some had one ear pierced. Unsurprisingly, they all carried a gun under their clothes. As for Mello, he dressed quite differently. He wore a tan suit with a bow instead of a tie under a long purple jacket with brown shoes. On his hands were white gloves and in one hand, he was carrying what seemed to be a cane with a sphere on top, which had red swirls on it. He also wore a purple hat with the initials 'M.W.' on it, even though "Wonka" was not his last name and "Mello" wasn't his first either but since there was some dumbass named Kira out there, he used a pseudonym to prevent himself from dying.

"Rod, Jack, Rashual, Glen, Zakk, what is it now? I'm not giving you a raise." Mello said, continuing to eat the chocolate bar on his desk. Rashual stepped forward from the others.

"Listen you slave driver, with all of the work that we do, you could at least give us one chocolate bar, ya feelin' me?" he said, trying to look serious. Mello pulled out his gun, just as Rashual might have expected.

"Listen shrimp, five chocolate bars is a whole lot. I need it to function. Got that?" Mello exclaimed. The oompa loompas weren't surprised. They knew that this would happen. They had to run the factory and bring Mello at least fifteen boxes of chocolate a week, and what did they get? Nothing. This is the first time that they attempted to interfere with Mello's chocolate obsession. It was futile. "What you CAN do though," Mello finally said, breaking the silence, "is think of some new ideas."

"Damn, why don't you just get an assistant dawg? Then they can help you or whatever." Jack said. Mello locked his gaze on Jack. For a minute, he thought Mello was actually going to shoot him in the face or something, but instead, he turned away from them all.

"Out now." Mello said brusquely. The oompa loompas fled the office and continued with their work. Mello stared into space, which meant that he was deep in thought. _Assistant? What the hell? _He thought. _Wait...with more ideas, I could improve business, make me more money, then I can buy more chocolate bars!!_ Snapping back to reality, he smiled, picked up the phone, and punched in a number. It wasn't long before anyone picked up the phone.

"Hello?" A voice said from the other line. It sounded like a boy and he sounded like a kid.

"Near, I did it." Mello said, trying to hold back the excitement in his voice.

"Did what?" Near replied, keeping his cool. Mello was obviously calling him to rub something in his face...again.

"I beat you! I came up with the perfect idea for my factory. In your face Near!!" Mello said, then he slammed the phone down onto the receiver... the wrong way. Near, on the other side, before hanging up the phone, heard Mello laughing menacingly. He shook his head, hung up the phone, and continued stacking his dice. Mello began planning immediately, writing things down on paper and stuff like that. It seemed like it was going to be another one of those nights. Mello dozed off some time around two o'clock in the morning.

* * *

At about ten the next morning, Halle, a friend of Mello's, discovered him in his office. He was still gripping a pen in his right hand, lying on his plans which were now slightly covered in drool. Halle's way of waking him up was shaking him, which actually worked. Still half asleep, Mello took a few moments to identify the tall lady standing infront of him. "Halle? How did you get in here? The oompa loompas are supposed to keep watch for intruders, not that I mind you visiting." Mello asked.

"They fell asleep too." Halle replied, beginning to read the papers on Mello's desk. He shoved them in the drawer. Mello was furiously heading toward to the door when Halle stopped him. " Where do you think you're going?" she asked, trying not to sound worried.

"To kill those damn oompa loompas!" Mello replied. Then he stopped, remembering that he forgot two things. He grabbed his gun off of his desk and a chocolate bar, then continued on his way. Halle had no choice but to follow him. They went down the narrow hallway into another room, which contained the group. They were heading the other way. The oompa loompas and Mello exchanged glances, and then there was silence for a while.

"What's your beef Wonka?" Rashual asked. Mello gave them a look.

"Well, let's just say that a little birdie told me you guys were slacking!" Mello replied, biting into the chocolate bar. The others expected this. Three hours that they were asleep and that was it. That's the most sleep that they got the whole entire week! Jeez can't an oompa loompa chillax or was that a crime too? "Anyway," Mello finally said. "I need to tell you all something so listen up!" He brought back up the suggestion of having an assistant and agreed with the idea. Then he began explaining his plan. "There will be five people. Any five in the world that will have a chance, but only one will get it. In order to make them come here, they will each have to get a golden ticket." Surely he couldn't be plagiarizing the idea from the actual movie could he? "I have decided not to put the tickets in chocolate bars, since you buy so much for me, but I've been thinking and we are going to put them in apples. With all of these obese people around, they should eat something healthy instead of double whoppers and shit." The others looked confused.

"How are we gonna get the tickets _inside _the apple?" Rod asked. He did have a point. You can't just cut open an apple, then put it back together.

"You figure that out. Now, get cracking or you are all fired." Mello said. He informed Halle to leave, that he had a lot of work to do, even though the oompa loompas were doing everything. She did as told. Before the oompa loompas got to work though, one had to ask the question that you are probably thinking of.

"How are we going to inform the people about this?" Glen asked. Mello hadn't thought of that. Of course! They wouldn't buy the apples and find the tickets if they didn't know! He already thought of how to do that.

"Well, since everybody seems to watch the news, we will send out a broadcast three days from now on every channel that news is broadcasted on. That will give you plenty of time to make the tickets and put them in the apples." Mello replied. There was just one more thing that he left out about the apples.

"Won't the apples go bad eventually?" Rod asked. _Damn it! _Thought Mello _Well, I could give them a limited time to get the tickets. Yeah whatever. I guess I'll do that._

"Give them about one month to get the tickets. I mean, that's how long it takes for an apple to go bad right?" Mello replied. After that, the plan took action. All they had to do now, was inform the news people about it.

* * *

_**Three days later...**_

_**Yagami Residence:**_

Light looked up from his work and glanced over at the shinigami, Ryuk, who was lying on his bed. Ryuk was laying next to a pile of apples in which one by one, was shoving them into his mouth. Light sighed, stood up, and walked over to his bed. He picked up a few apple cores.

"You know, your addiction with apples is quite costly." Light said, beginning to eat the last of Ryuk's beloved apples. He sat back down at his desk. "All of this damn work is making me hungry."

"You took my last apple! I was going to eat that you know." Ryuk said angrily. He stood up and began to walk towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Light asked turning towards him. He already knew the answer but asked anyway. Ryuk stopped and kept looking ahead.

"To get more apples, what else? You ate my last one. Thanks Light. By the way, do you have any more money? I think I might go to Wal-Mart this time. I heard that they sell fruit real cheap." Ryuk explained. Light shook his head.

"You know, if you are a shinigami, and nobody can see you unless they touch the deathnote, then why can't you just walk into the store and take the apples, then walk away?" Light asked. He hadn't thought of that up until now.

"Wouldn't it be a little weird if people saw a bunch of floating apples? That would scare the crap out of them." Ryuk replied, starting to walk away. "Well, I will try it and see what happens." Before he completely shut the door, Light interrupted him again.

"By the way, don't go to Wal-Mart. I know for a fact that bugs crawl all over their fruit. It's nasty. Go to Shoprite instead. Their stuff is fresher." He said. There was no respond from Ryuk and with that, he left. Light finally finished his work and decided that since there really wasn't much to do, and since he didn't feel like killing criminals and playing the role of God at the moment, he decided to just sit back and watch television. Just before Light was about to sit down, there was a knock at his door.

"Light? There is somebody here for you!" His mom called from downstairs. He opened the door and peered out to see none other than Misa Amane standing there. She was wearing a short skirt, and a body hugging t-shirt and she seemed happy to see Light, as usual. She gave him a hug and let herself into his room.

"Hi Light-kun! Are you busy? I was thinking that maybe we could go out or something tonight." She said sitting on the edge of his bed. Light sat down next to her.

"Actually I was planning to stay home if that's ok with you." Light said. He turned on the television. Misa's smiled slackened.

"Come on you kill joy! Gosh you never want to go out! You are always locked in your room. What could you possibly keep yourself occupied with all day long?" Misa asked, a little annoyed at the fact that this whole week, Light had blown her off to do what he wanted.

"I just don't want to today ok?" Light said. He was scanning through channels to see what there was to watch. Surprisingly nothing was on Sunday night. He finally came to channel two. No one really watched that channel but since there was nothing else on, and Light might be able to find more criminals to kill, he made an exception. He and Misa continued to watch.

* * *

_**L's Residence:**_

L left the room he was in to get something to eat, leaving his computer running incase anyone had to give him information or something about the Kira case. Entering the kitchen, he approached the refrigerator and opened the freezer. He browsed through all of the ice cream that he bought the day before. Finally, L selected one, grabbed a spoon out of the drawer, and headed into the living room .He grabbed the remote, turned on the television, and sat down onto the couch, putting his legs up as well, and opened the container of ice cream. Before he started eating, he noticed that _Maury _was on. His curiosity got the best of him, and he began to watch it. A few minutes went by and L was really getting into the show. Eating the ice cream now with his hands and not with any utensil, he began to predict what was going to happen next.

Lady: I KNOW HE IS THE FATHER I AM 900 PERCENT SURE!!

Guy: No! I can't be the father. She slept with 20 different guys!

Maury: We are going to find out the results right now.

L stopped eating and leaned forward towards the TV, eagerly awaiting the results as if he was finding out if his favorite sports team had lost or not. One of the men had handed Maury a big orange envelop. L watched as Maury took what seemed like forever to take the piece of paper out and read the results.

"He's the father. He's totally the father I just know it! It's so obvious!" L said to himself.

Maury: When it comes to the case of three year old Chaneyney, Joe, you ARE the father!

"I KNEW IT!!" L shouted jumping up and pointing at the TV. The ice cream container that was half empty almost flew out of his hands. L sat back down and started scanning through channels, covering the remote in ice cream, forgetting to at least wash his hands first. "Wow, there really isn't anything good on. Maybe channel three news is airing something interesting." L said. He turned the channel to three, and began watching.

* * *

_**SPK (Special Provision for Kira) Building:**_

Since Sunday when Mello explained his entire plan, Halle almost forgot that today was the day when every news channel was going to announce it. She entered the building and headed toward the room in which Near was in. When she got there, she found Near, as usual, on the floor surrounded by various toys and a half built city of dice. Now he was in the middle of building a house of cards, and he would have finished too, if the slight breeze cause by Halle walking by didn't knock it over. Near pounded one fist against the ground.

"DAMN IT!" Near yelled angrily, "I was almost finished too Halle! Why'd you do that? Now I'm pissed."Ignoring him, Halle walked by and sat down on the sofa. She turned on the television and scanned until she came to channel five. Halle decided to wait and not tell anyone about the broadcast. They might not believe her, and if they didn't watch then they'd have to find out from other sources. She recalled how the other day, Near was telling her about the phone call that Mello made to him, saying that he had some kind of plan, but didn't tell him. Now he was going to have to watch the television to find out what that plan was. Stacking the cards into a neat pile and placing them onto the wooden table against the wall, Near came over and sat on the other end of the couch, sitting the same way that L did. His legs were pulled close to his chest. "What are you watching?" Near asked.

"The news. I heard that there is supposed to be a special announcement about something tonight at seven." Halle replied. That was the best that she could think of without spilling out the whole thing. Without a response, Near continued to watch with her. Only ten more minutes left, and then it would happen.

* * *

_**Matt's Residence:**_

Matt sat in the center of his small room on a sofa, surrounded by electronics and video games. The TV was against the wall and was turned off. Matt was playing a Nintendo DS, black covered up with a skin, and was holding it almost against his face, furiously pressing buttons. "I only have one more level before I win the entire game! This guy is goin' down!" He said to himself. Just seconds later the system dropped from his hands and his mouth flew open. "NO!! HOW CAN I LOSE I WAS SO CLOSE! THAT GUY IS GOING TO DIE NEXT TIME! DIE HARD!!" He yelled, picking the system back up and turning it off. He decided to give it a rest. Matt only bought that game this morning, and was playing it all day, highly determined to beat it. To let off some steam about losing, He grabbed the remote, lit a cigarette, and started watching channel ten news. It was only one minute until seven. Just then the clock turned to seven o' clock and a broadcast swept over every news station.

The seven of them, along with the rest of the world, watched anxiously as a husky man with bowl cut hair, thick rimmed glasses, and a mustache in a brown suit began to talk. Demegawa. They were broadcasting outside of a Wal-Mart.

"LISTEN UP PEOPLE! We have a huge announcement to make about those delicious Wonka bars that a lot of you love to eat!!" He shouted, trying to build up suspense, which wasn't working. "It has been said by Mr. Wonka himself that he is choosing five people only, to come to his factory! The only way that you can get in is if you have a golden ticket, found in any apple that you can buy at any supermarket. If you don't get one, you could die! So start buying and start eating now to get your ticket as soon as possible! Demegawa OUT!" He said, running into the store, which other people were crowding into as well. In the background, you could see crowds of people fighting to get in. A lady finally carried on the broadcast.

"And already there are people swarming over the produce section in worldwide supermarkets, determined to find the tickets." She said. There were people running out of the store with armfuls of apples, which weren't paid for, and running back in to get more. They had a whole month, and it wouldn't be long before the tickets were found.


	2. Discovery

Chapter 2 - Discovery

"Humans are hilarious." Ryuk mumbled to himself, staring down at the terrified crowd below. Ryuk was on his way back to Light's house, after retrieving the apples that he couldn't wait to sink his teeth into. He was holding about 15 in his arms. 15 whole apples, which everyone who was in shoprite that day saw. They all froze when they saw a pile of apples just float across the store. The cashiers didn't even bother to find out how they got that way. The news reporters came to the conclusion that everyone was having massive hallucinations. Ryuk laughed hysterically when some of the people fell on their faces trying to get out of the store. An old lady almost had herself a heart attack. A little boy who surprisingly to everyone else wasn't afraid, tried to take one of the apples, but before he could even reach out his arm, the apples ascended off of the ground. From above, Ryuk was watching the horrified people run around in circles, laughing so hard that he couldn't think straight. Ryuk was so busy watching them, that he didn't see the building right infront of his face. He went through the window which shattered to tiny pieces, then got back up and began flying towards Light's house again. Little did he know that one of his apples fell from his arms. Well, now that left 14. There was 13 for him, and if Light was lucky, he got the last one.

Light was getting pretty bored, watching Demegawa and a whole bunch of other people tear up apples like there was no tomorrow. _Hopefully Ryuk got some before they were all gone, _Light thought. Misa informed him that she had to go fix her makeup in the bathroom. Light was finally free from her tight grip around him. Damn, that girl just wouldn't quit! Light went over to his bedroom window and peered out. No sign of Ryuk yet. What could possibly be taking him so long? He had wings after all, which means that he should've gotten there sooner. Just then another scene appeared on the television, this time there was a different news reporter, but still a whole bunch of people behind him. "Breaking News! It has been reported by everyone here at the local shoprite, that a whole bunch of apples just started floating out of the store! There was said to be about 13-15 apples. We are here live with some of the witnesses." Light turned off the TV before the reporter started asking people questions. He was going to be in for it if his family found all of the apples in his room.

Misa returned after a while and gave Light another hug, nearly crushing the bones in his body. He backed away and sat down at his desk. Without hesitation, Ryuk busted through the wall, leaving an enormous hole. "I'm back." He said, dropping the apples onto Light's bed. He sat down and began to shove them down his throat one by one. Light stared in shock at the hole left by his shinigami. Wait...aren't shinigami supposed to just walk _through _the wall?

"RYUK! WHAT THE HELL MAN?!" Light yelled. Ryuk swallowed another apple and then looked up at him as if nothing had happened at all.

"I'm sorry Light, did you say something?" He said sarcastically. Ryuk smiled that creepy smile that he always wore. Light ran his hand over his face.

"Alright, I know you are not expecting me to pay for that. Oh man, what are mom and dad going to say? This is bad." Light said. He began pacing back and forth along his floor which was covered in debris. Then, Light heard the last thing that he wanted to hear.

"Light! I need help with my homework! Hey, stop locking your door. Mom already knows that you masturbate!" Said Sayu, Light's younger sister, from the other side of the door. Ryuk bit into the second to last apple, and began to choke violently. Light ignored Sayu for the moment, and began to pound on Ryuk's back. Misa stared in a puzzled way, wondering why the hell he was beating up thin air. Then, the way that Misa looked at it, a small golden piece of paper fell onto the floor. It was covered in saliva.

"Ew Light what the hell is that?!" Misa shouted, recoiling. Ryuk shrugged and was about to eat the last apple when Light picked it up instead. In his other hand, he had the piece of paper, which unrolled by itself, revealing something that surprised all three of them. It was one of Mr. Wonka's golden tickets.

"Well, what do you know." Ryuk said. "Hey wait. I had 15 apples and I ate thirteen so...Light I think I dropped one of the apples. Damn it!" Light ignored the rest of what Ryuk said and started laughing in a sinister way, or at least he thought it was sinister.

"WA KA KA KA KA KA KA KA KA!!" Light held both items up into the air as if to show God the ticket. Misa grabbed the apple from his hand and started to eat it.

"You know, I can't stand this anorexia thing. I'm starving!!" She said. Light stopped laughing for a moment and locked his gaze on Misa.

"Maybe there is another one. Mabye..." But before he could finish, Misa bit into something unusual. She removed another moist piece of paper and threw it at Light.

"Hey I got one of those ticket thingies. YAY! Misa and Light are going together!" Misa said happily. She gave him another one of her bone crushing hugs and was about to kiss him, when Ryuk interrupted them.

"Hey Light, can I come? I mean c'mon nobody can see me! It's like a bullshit illusion move. There will be six, not five." Ryuk asked. Light nodded.

"Whatever. WA KA KA KA! I finally have one! I R GOD LOLZ!!"

"Alright seriously light, you need to stop with the whole God thing. It's annoying. You are not really God, you just think that you are so shut up already!"

* * *

"I'm hungry now." said Near, getting up from the sofa. He picked up the cards that he left on the table, sat back down on the floor, and began building another house of cards.

"So, what do you want me to do about it?" Halle asked. There really wasn't much to do now that everybody in the whole freaking town was out to buy...or rather steal apples. They were eating everything, as if the ticket could be in absolutely any part of the apple, even the core. She sighed and began walking towards the door. "I could go and try to shoplift some apples for us. Now that you think about it, I could go for an apple right about now." Once again, the breeze caused by her walking by knocked down Near's house of cards. This time, he didn't say or do anything. Near just picked up the cards and started all over again.

"Do whatever you want. I am certainly not going out into that third world hell outside." Near replied. This time he wasn't even trying to make the cards perfect, and another time, they all collapsed. "Damn, I should super glue these together." Infact, that sounded like a great idea. Near went into the other room to get some super glue. He searched the drawer recklessly, but found nothing. "DAMN!" He shouted. Quickly Near went to go catch up with Halle. Surely he'd be able to shoplift some super glue right?

* * *

Halle concluded that since everyone was either at Shoprite and Walmart, she could probably try Acme and see if they had anything, if the people didn't get to it first. As soon as she got to the front door of the building, she noticed Near quietly following along behind her. "Near...what are you doing? It's not safe to go out in public. Kira might kill you." She explained.

"Kira kills me...and I'll be pissed." he said quietly. "Anyway, we need more super glue." Halle gave him a most confused look. What the hell was he going to use that for?

"What? Why do you need that?" She asked. There was no response. Near continued walking ahead. Halle caught up to him, walking close behind. "So, where are we going for the glue?" Halle asked, looking around for any more delirious people.

"Wal-Mart. I know that store sucks, and attracts the most losers, but there stuff is somewhat good, and at an affordable price." Near replied. What the hell was he thinking? It was late at night, there must be a million people there, now even more due to that damn announcement. What if there were no tickets? What if this whole thing was a scam? Halle found it less likely for Mello to let anyone share his precious chocolate. I mean really, she already witnessed what the oompa loompa's had to go through. Well, when they get there, she would just have to shoplift some apples as well.

* * *

"Damn we're out of apples again." Ryuk said walking over to the giant hole in the wall. Light looked at the whole once more in disappointment. His parents would eventually know about it. There was no use in lying now.

"Where are you going now?" Light asked, rubbing his hand over his face. He would probably be the one paying for a new wall.

"Apples! I need more or I get the symptoms you know the whole thing already." Ryuk replied. He started flying away again. Back to Shoprite. For more apples. If there were any more. Ryuk would probably steal them from people. He needed the apples before the symptoms started again. Especially the one where...well I won't go into detail but it involved Light. Anyway, let's go inside Wal-Mart again.

* * *

(Somewhere in the way back of Wal-Mart)

Near found super glue close enough to the kind that he wanted. Of course he had to buy two cause they were in the clearance aisle and Wal-Mart is all half ass. Now, all he had to do was find Halle, and they could get the hell out of there. He approached the end of the aisle and started looking at more items that caught his eye, when suddenly a random lady came flying around the corner with a full shopping cart. Near tried to move, and luckily, the cart only ran over his foot. The lady didn't even bother to apologize. She kept on running down the aisle, and just before she turned another corner, Near began cursing her out. Something that you never thought he would do right? Because Near is supposed to be better at keeping his cool than L, but really, if someone ran over your foot, would you let it go?

Meanwhile, Halle was sort of lost on the other end of the store. She had been looking for Near for nearly ten minutes now. The new clothing somehow distracted her with the low prices. Halle figured that since Near wasn't around, and she couldn't find him, she began looking through everything until she got to the more personal things.

Near began searching the women's department for Halle, because that's where he expected her to be the most. Somehow, Near ended up in the plus section, where he ran into a rather large woman who didn't see him due to her tremendous girth. She blocked nearly the entire aisle. She pushed Near out of the way into a rack of bras, causing him to recoil in disgust. Finally, he saw a tall, thin woman with long blonde hair. That had to be her. He went up and tapped her on the shoulder, only to find that she was the complete opposite of Halle. This lady was old and I mean like ancient. She didn't seem too happy either, and wound up hitting Near with her purse first, then blinding him with pepper spray and calling security on him.

Later, waiting at the front counter, Near saw Halle approach him in embarrassment. He followed her out of the store. "Near how could you let that happen?" Halle asked, looking at his now red eyes. Near turned around and stared at the other people, including the old lady who was still complaining about something.

"Listen, I thought she was you from behind so I went to see if it was you and she started flippin' out on me." Near explaining. He heard something rumble, then looked down and saw that it was his stomach. "Damn now I'm hungry. Did you get any apples while you were here?" Near asked, remembering that Halle was supposed to get apples. She shook her head.

"No, the whole thing was empty. We should try another day or something." Halle replied. "Dammit where'd we park the car?" She then asked.

"We didn't drive here remember? We walked." Near replied. On second thought. Halle was glad that they didn't drive. The parking lots were freaking traffic third world hell. Being caught up in her own thoughts again, Halle hadn't noticed the object that just hit Near in the head. Could his day get any worse?

"What the..." Near said, picking up the bright, red shiny apple that just fell out of the sky and just happened to hit him on the head. "FOOD!" He started eating the apple as they were walking him, when suddenly, Near bit in to something unusual. It was laminated and it was gold. He pulled it from the inside of the apple and stared in amazement. Halle couldn't believe it either. "A..golden ticket? Is this seriously one of Mello's golden tickets?" Near automatically wondered if maybe it was a fake, or if this was just some kind of joke. He'd just have to go to the factory on the date listed, and find out for himself.

* * *

Maury finally came to an end, and now the show "Dr. Phil" came on. L quickly got bored, predicting everything. He knew that he should continue working on the Kira case, but, he still craved sweets. That broadcast also made him want to eat an apple. Hm...maybe he would have to go get some. The first thing that popped into L's head, was that he was NOT going to Wal-Mart. There could be one million stores. Out of that million, would be one Wal-Mart. If you went to every single store, you'd find that Wal-Mart attracts the most losers. Having that as his conclusion, L decided to have Watari go to Acme to get him apples. He contacted Watari on his cell phone.

"This is Wal-Mart enterprise. Can I help you?" Watari lied from the other side. L rolled his eyes.

"Watari this is L," he said, without using a synthetic voice "I told you that you did not have to do that when you know it is me calling. Anyway, when you go out again, I would like to ask you if you would pick up some apples maybe at Acme this time." While talking to Watari, L stood up and walked over to the fridge. Thoroughly checking it again to see if he had any more apples, but there weren't any.

"Yes L. I will do that." Watari replied. With that, they both hung up. L stared at the evidence that Kira left him.

"Work...I usually would never say this but, screw work. Until Watari comes, I think I'll watch some Death Note parodies on Youtube." L said, showing the smirk of doom.

* * *

Matt paused the video game he was playing for a moment. The phone was ringing and there was only one person who would be calling him at nine o'clock. Matt picked up the phone. "Hello?" He said, waiting for a reply.

"Fuck you." A voice said from the other side. What the hell? Yeah, this was definitely that person.

"Oh hi Mello. What the hell do you want at this time?" Matt asked, looking at the clock. He sat back down on the sofa and resumed playing his video game while talking on the phone. There was silence for a while.

"What's up?" Mello finally said, breaking the silence. Matt paused the game again and went into the kitchen.

"Same as usual. . .why?" He asked, looking in the refrigerator for something to eat.

"Feeling hungry?" Mello asked. What was he talking about? Why the hell did he care? Matt automatically knew that this had something to do with the broadcast. He was reaching for food when Mello interrupted his actions. "Stop. Put the food down. I have something else for you." He said. What was he talking about? Matt closed the fridge.

"What are you trying to do?" He asked, leaning against the counter.

"Open the door." Mello said. Matt walked over to the front door, and did as told. He wasn't sure how to respond to what he saw though. The only thing he saw was some midget, who looked like he was going to shoot him, but he was also holding an apple. Matt looked confused.

"Mello what the hell is this. Why is there a gangster here?" He asked. There was complete silence for a while, then he finally responded.

"Matt, that's the fourth apple. I am giving it to you." Mello said.

"This is retarted. You are giving me a golden ticket. This isn't even real is it?" He asked pulling the ticket out of the apple, that he just bit in to.

"No this is for real. Together, I think we can beat Near." Mello said. So competitive. He didn't understand that it was the fact that it was him and Near that could surpass L.

"Whatever. And by the way, stop calling me at two in the morning just to say fuck you. You know that I can't fall back asleep after that." Matt exclaimed.

"Hey, that's what friends are supposed to do fucker. Anyway I'll see you on the required date. Later." Mello replied, and hung up. Matt shook his head, hung up the phone, and resumed playing tetris.

* * *

There was a strange knock on the door. L paused the video that he was watching, and told the person to come inside. It was Watari, or Wammy, which ever one you want to call him. He handed L a single apple. L took it by the stem with his index finger and thumb, and stared at it.

"This is all you could manage to pick up?" L asked, not taking his eyes off the apple. Watari shook his head.

"I had to beat the crap out of some guy to get it. Last one. I would have gotten more, but I am too old to get into all those kinds of fights." Watari replied. L turned around, sat back down on the floor, and began eating the apple. Watari quietly joined him.

"What are you doing? Did you find out anything about Kira?" Watari asked, watching L click on the play button and continue watching the video.

"Actually yes, I did find out some information, but I was hungry, that was the reason I asked you to get the apples or apple for me. Thank you by the way. That broadcast is going to ruin shopping at the supermarket for everyone. I do want to go to that factory though. All that chocolate sounds good right now." L explained.

"Your welcome. Um...what are you watching?" Watari asked, watching the video.

"Oh, it's a Death Note parody. These videos are funny. The things that people do when they are bored..." L replied. Watari looked at him in shock.

"Death Note? L don't you think that that has something to do with the Kira case? Isn't that the man you were talking about? L? Hey L! Are you listening to me?" Watari asked. L couldn't respond. He had something in his mouth, and it wasn't an apple. Once again, with only his index finger and thumb, pulled the slip of paper out of his mouth and stared at it.

"Well, what do you know? A golden ticket. The best things happen when least expected. Watari, I would like you to come with me to the factory." L said. "Incase Kira is there, I will catch him."

Well, that concludes the second chapter. I know that I kind of rushed how everyone found the tickets, but it'd get kind of boring if I stretched it out into a third chapter. But that is just my opinion. Coming in the third chapter: The day to go to Mr. Wonka's factory has finally arrived! Keep reading!


	3. Arrival and departure

Mello Wonka

Chapter 3 - Arrival

Alas, the day had finally come. Only one person was going to be chosen. They all stood waiting outside of the two large gates at the end of the factory's driveway. Almost all five of them were accompanied by someone. Light Yagami seemed most excited. He clung to the left gate, his hands tightly grasped around the thin, black metal bars. He continued to peer through them, at the factory, like a little boy at the candy store. However, he was wearing this creepy smile from ear to ear, and his eyes were wide open. _Hopefully, everything goes as planned. Then I can enslave the human race, and rule the world! _, Light thought to himself.

"You don't believe in that bullshit do you? What if that L guy is here in disguise? Light you really _are_ a dumbass." said a voice from behind Light. Sitting up against the wall, munching on an apple, sat the totally awesome shinigami, Ryuk. He was already growing bored, trying now to eat all of the apples that he supplied himself with, preventing the awful symptoms that could come. Especially that one that involved Light.

Right next to Light stood Misa, and for once she was not hyper. She wasn't the happiest about eating tons of chocolate. If Misa ended up as a fat ass, her modeling career with Light was all over. "Where is this Wonka man!? I'll kill that asshole with my Death Note! Shinigami don't play dat!" Ryuk complained. The other three chosen ones seemed to be pretty patient. Matt brought along a portable game system, pressing away at buttons while sitting on the cold sidewalk. Ryuzaki, or L, was spinning circles on the ground with his big toe, his hands in his pockets, ignoring the people around him. All except for one...and Watari.

The last one, Near, who was accompanied by Halle, noticed L while sitting on the ground playing with a whole bunch of cards. Something seemed familiar with that man. Near shuffled his cards, put them back into the box, and handed them to Halle. She placed them in her coat pocket, and took notice of Near's curiosity. The small boy made his way over to L, and Watari who began to whistle something, looking away. L caught Near out of the corner of his eye and quickly turned around. He had to look down at Near, who was rather short compared to L, but since L stood sort of hunched over, it seemed as if he was shorter himself. L took his left hand out of his pocket, and put his index finger up to his lips, as if thinking.

"Have I met you before? You look awfully familiar." L said, inspecting every inch of Near's body with his eyes, especially his face. Could he be? _No L, you are still a virgin. Thank God._ , thought L.

"I am Near. I found you familiar too. Like me, but older. Damn, this is too creepy." said Near.

"I am Ryuzaki, but-" L was interrupted suddenly.

"**NU-UH!**" shouted Light like a little kid, with the most hilarious aggravated look on his face. He was pointing at L. He knew that L was using an alias, he thought he was so smart. The scene caused everyone to look, except Matt who was in his own little video game world. L remained calm and continued his conversation with Near. Ryuk found it quite funny, because he fell over on the ground laughing. Nearly choking on his apple.

Meanwhile, inside of the factory. . .

"He is fifty two flippin' minutes late! Where the fuck is this loser?!" Shouted Glen. The oompa loompas were waiting in their cramped little room, which was on the opposite side of the factory from Mello's office. He had ordered them to wait there until the time came when they were supposed to make the introduction with Mello. However, he didn't show up. The oompa loompas knew that something was wrong because Mello wasn't late to anything, but they were totally wrong.

"Well," said Rashual "let's go get him. I'll shoot the fucker. Or beat him with a sandwich." The others nodded, and then they headed to the other side of the factory. That cost them another five minutes of time that they could have used to start the tour of the factory. The door creaked open to Mello's tiny office which would have been bigger without all of the boxes of chocolate bars. All of the lights were off except for a glare from the television. Mello was sitting very close to it. He was wide awake, nervously biting away at a chocolate bar. Infact, there was a whole box on his lap that he was clutching tight, and a whole pile of wrappers on the floor _next_ to the trash can. Mello didn't budge, he didn't even hear them walk in. He appeared to be watching a horror movie. Must have lost track of the time. Well, that explained the lights. Jack stepped up from the others quietly.

"Boss." Was all that came out of his mouth. And that was all it took to scare the living shit out of Mello. Mello jumped up out of his chair, the chocolate bars went flying across the room. The chair tipped over, but he prevented himself from falling, and quickly spun around, clutching his gun in his right hand. Zakk flipped on the light switch. Mello, breathing heavier now, slowly put the gun down, and turned off the television. Then he started flipping out.

"YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!! What the hell is wrong with you?! Dude, no. Scaring the shit out of me is not cool. You are lucky I didn't shoot you! God dammit now clean this up!" Mello shouted, pointed at the chocolate bars which were now all over the floor.

"No," Rod said "Are you forgetting what today is?" Mello glanced over at the calendar, then the clock, and snapping back to reality, he ran his hand over his face.

"Fuck. You know, I totally forgot. Why didn't you remind me? How long have they been waiting?" Mello asked. The oompa loompas handed him his hat, his gun, and cane like thingy, and shoved him out the door. Mello regained his balance, and quickly straightened his jacket. Then he began walking quickly down the hallway towards the garage. The oompa loompas walked some distance behind him. For one, their legs were too short to keep up, and two, to make their escape before what Mello was about to see. They turned the corner which was a short distance away from the garage. It led to the front door. They heard the garage door unlock, then open. What Mello was expecting to see was his motorcycle. Untouched. Instead, he saw nothing at first, but then looked down. In the place of his only transportation (except for Matt's car sometimes) was a pink big wheel with a flower pattern on the side. It looked a little worn out too. The oompa loompas probably stole it from an innocent little girl somewhere. Yeah, which means that they had to bribe her with something to get it. A chocolate bar perhaps...or chocolate bars. The thought infuriated Mello. Not the part about stealing the piece of shit bike, but they were giving away his chocolate bars for FREE! And he still had to figure out what the hell happened to his motorcycle.

"Where the fuck is my bike!?" Mello shouted. He turned around and was going to aim his gun at the oompa loompas, but they were long gone. Now Mello was going to have to make a boring entrance. _Well, whatever I'm sure the people won't care now. After all, I ain't making an ass out of myself riding THAT thing out there. _, thought Mello. He walked out, slamming the door behind him. Now, almost running towards the front door, Mello started to think of what he was going to say. _Now _he thinks of that. Of all the things to plan first, making an entrance was more important. No wonder Near was chosen. Wait a minute...

-See's angry Mello in doorway with flaming crowbar-

-After running like hell-

As I was saying, the oompa loompas were outside waiting with the people. They had already made their entrance, and it wasn't pleasant.

-Earlier before Mello came outside-

"I guess we'll have to just go with plan B." Glen said to the others, as the approached the gate. "Alright, you know the stupid rap, that's too short to even call a rap. This is gay." All of them made a horizontal line and without saying anything, started to sing, rap, or whatever you want to call it.

_Oompa loompa we all hate you,_

_Don't make a move, or we will shoot you._

Near moved his foot on purpose. Then one of the oompa loompas pulled out a gun and pointed it at him. Near's face remained expressionless. One oompa loompa stepped forward and gave him a death stare.

_Do it again, and I'll blow off your head,_

_Then you'll be...uhh...dead!_

That last part he made up, and at that moment before Near could make a smartass comment, Mello finally arrived. When he reached the gates, the first thing he did was take a look at everyone who had received a golden ticket. Of course Matt was one of them because Mello fixed the game to have him come. What struck him as odd, was that the fact that his arch enemy was standing before him. White haired, short, wearing pajamas, and this time without an action figure, stood Near. Mello gave him the evil eye and was disappointed in the fact that he off all people had to get a ticket. Any other loser would have been fine but noooo, not Near. They just wouldn't get along. "Hello. Sorry I'm late. Something went wrong in the factory and I had to attend to it." Mello lied. He cast a glance at the oompa loompas. "If one or two of you would, open the gates and let the people come in." He was about to exclude Near, but then he came up with an sinister idea for later. The five, including the two adults that accompanied them, and one shinigami entered in through the gates and stood there, five feet from where they were just standing. "This is the outside of my factory, no chocolate outside or the damn people will be eating it all. It's obviously not impossible to get in here. Now if you will, follow me inside so I can show you all the rest. Then you can get the hell out so I can have a date with my chocolate bars in peace." Mello said. He turned around and started walking back.

The outside wasn't really what you'd call nice. It was kind of plain, no flowers or anything, just a whole bunch of bushes on the inside of the gates bordering all around for privacy. It only took about a minute to walk to the front door. They easily made it up the steps, and then came to a sudden halt. "What's wrong boss?" One of the oompa loompas asked. Mello shook his head and then kicked the door.

"Damn it! It's locked. Shit, I knew I should have cracked the door instead of closing it when walking out here." Mello replied, becoming frustrated with the door. He turned around and smiled a somewhat friendly smile to the people. He looked at the oompa loompas again. They were definitely going to be busy today. "Listen," Mello said. "Do we have like another key out here somewhere, like under the doormat or something?" They looked at each other and thought for a moment, but then shook their heads. How were they supposed to get inside? Then, one of them remembered something. On each side of the steps, was a small section of rocks. Zakk went and picked one of them up. It was a little unusual from the others. He opened the bottom of it, but there was nothing there.

"Well, we're screwed." Zakk said. The people were clearly angry. Near shook his head in disappointment. Mello thought for a moment and remembered that the oompa loompas handed him his gun before he left the office. Quickly he took it out and looked around for a window to shoot. The others (not including the oompa loompas) looked in astonishment at the gun in his right hand, curious about what, or who he was going to shoot. He turned to window on the right side of the factory and shot the window out. The glass shattered, falling both inside and outside on the ground. Mello went first inside, avoiding the sharp edges, and motioned the others to follow. Once they got inside, Mello stared at the glass that was on the floor.

"Clean this up." Mello commanded Rod. He rolled his eyes, then did as told. Now the tour could begin. "I'd like you all to come this way. There's this one room that I'd like to show you first. It's the best one in the whole factory so far." They exited the room that they were in, which was the oompa loompa's small, cramped room. The people didn't know that though. They turned right, and then right again, and came to a stop at another door. One that was painted goldish yellow. On the front read: CHOCOLATE ROOM. Well, wasn't every room like that? Anyway, They stepped inside to find that they were in another hallway. As they proceeded to the end, the door seemed to get bigger. Were they shrinking? No, it was simply an illusion because when Mello pushed the door open and led the people inside, they appeared to be normal sized again. Everyone except Mello stared in astonishment. From where they were standing, there were five stairs that led down onto the floor, with a railing on each side. That was the only normal thing. The floor was made up of graham crackers (normal and chocolate) with a chocolate bar border. The molding was also chocolate all the way around. The walls had whipped cream that never melted, and pieces of peppermint with more chocolate and graham crackers. Somewhat like a fairy tale. In the way back, flowed a white chocolate river. There was a small sidewalk leading from the stairs to the river. On each side of the sidewalk was every kind of chocolate candy that you could think of.

Mello remained on the top of the stairs, leaning against his cane like thing. "This is the chocolate room. Well, every room is, but this room contains all of my inventions. Go ahead and check em' out. Try them if you want." Mello explained.

"Boss you forgot to-" Jack began saying as everyone's curiosity led them away. Mello immediately threw his hand over Jack's mouth.

"Shut up or you are gonna blow it! Look, neither them nor the Hershey's people know about it, and they won't. Got that?" Mello said to him quietly. He removed his hand and looked down at the floor, kicking a Hershey's wrapper into an unseen location. L and Watari investigated the candies on the left side of the room. Misa was looking at some chocolate plants in the back, near Light. Basically everything was chocolate. Matt sat on a stair, still engrossed in his game, his face almost pressed against the screen. Halle followed Near to the right. Near pretended to be interested in a caramel chocolate bar, but secretly he was spying on Mello. _There's a secret that you are hiding behind all of this Mello. I will figure it out! Oh shit, that new Optimus Prime action figure came out yesterday! I need to go to Wal-Mart. And the adventure begins again_, thought Near. He gave Mello a suspicious look. In return, Mello flipped him off.

Light gazed at the churning river. He licked his lips and reached a hand out, almost about to put it into the river to drink the luscious white chocolate. On second thought, he looked around first. For some reason, he felt like someone was watching him. What if L was there, in the same room? _No, stop it. What is the possibility of that? Kira and L, in the same room at the same time? Or maybe..._, Light thought, still looking around. Suddenly he locked his gaze on the man in the white long sleeved shirts and jeans, standing next to the older man. Then Light had a strange feeling again, like earlier when he thought that Ryuzaki was using an alias, and began walking toward him.

L saw Light approach him. He stopped eating the buttercups for a moment. Their eyes met, then Light said something so stupid that it basically gave him away.

"I just want to inform you that if you suspect me as Kira for some odd reason, I'm not. I'm just an average high school student." Light said, breaking the silence between them. L kept the same expression that he always did, hiding his thoughts from the world. Watari just watched as a spectator as the conversation continued.

"Listen, about earlier when you called me a liar about my name. It's Ryuzaki. Oh and I know what you are about to say." L paused while Light put his hand down, ready to say something in defense. "You've seen me at college. My name is obviously not Hideki Ryuga."

Light looked impressed. He really was going to say that. Ryuk laughed from behind him. "Damn it's like he can read your freaking mind!" Ryuk said.

"My name is Carlos. Carlos Mencia." Light lied, trying to pronounce the pseudonym in a Latino accent. He held his hand out for a handshake, but L simply shook his head.

"It looks like _you _are the liar. Everyone knows that first of all, Carlos is Mexican. You, are clearly Japanese from the looks of you. Second of all, Carlos is a comedian on national television, so that means that he wouldn't be going to college, he'd be filming new episodes. DUH!" L explained, obviously telling Light that he puts the Duh in Dumb. Light looked around nervously, then ran in the opposite direction. Once he reached the river again, he looked back at L. L was facing the other way, saying something to Watari.

"Yeah, he totally knows that you are Kira now. Way to go Light." Ryuk said, dipping his apple into the river. Light gave him a "fuck you" look, stood up, and looked back at the river. _I'll kill him, Ryuzaki you are the real L, and a smartass too. This factory will be mine. Then I can rub it in your face. WAKAKAKAKAKAKA!! _Light turned around and began laughing his evil, multiple pitched laugh. At that moment, everyone began to stare at Light. Even Matt paused his game and looked up. The whole room fell silent except for the laugh.

After a few awkward moments, Mello was about to call on the oompa loompas to get rid of the menace, but then Light stopped laughing. He was so caught up in his thoughts about taking over the factory, that he didn't notice the plant root that he was about to trip over. He tripped and fell into the creamy white chocolate. Infact, Light was planning to jump in anyway. He was completely covered from head to toe. Light began drinking large quantities at a time. Oh, and the look Mello was giving him! He was clearly infuriated, so full of anger that he was literally about to go over there and beat him with the cane thing in his hand. He hollered for the oompa loompas. They arrived shortly.

"Yizzo. What's goin' down now Wonka?" Rashual asked. Mello pointed over at Light, who was randomly flailing his arms about.

"Get that whackjob out of my chocolate before I beat him with this!. HE'S RUINING MY PERFECTLY GOOD FOOD!" Mello cried. The oompa loompas ripped him from the river.

"Let me go! NEW WORLD!" Light said, beginning to choke on the last mouthful of chocolate that he had. The sugar rush was really getting to him now. They kicked him in the shins and began to sing another little song that they came up with.

_Oompa loompa we can agree_

_that you cannot swim and need help mentally_

_and we have the perfect solution for you_

_so come with us and we won't have to kill you._

"Hey, I have an idea." Glen said as they carried Light out of the building(Ryuk secretly following them).

Back in the chocolate room...

People began to look at Misa, who stood by Light's side up until now. "What are you looking at? I didn't do anything, and it's not like that guy was my boyfriend!" Misa said in defense. Mello frowned at the sight of the chocolate. He would have to make a new substance later. However, he still had to carry on the tour.

"I think we've been here long enough. Let's move on shall we? Stay close together, and if you're a pedofile (don't know the correct spelling), then leave now!" Mello said. He opened the door and led them on to their next destination. Where will they go?

To be continued in chapter four...

**Afterwards:**

He rolled around helplessly. His hands tied behind his back, feet tied together, blindfolded, and drenched in red koolaid. The oompa loompas were laughing their assess off (including Ryuk). Jack wiped away a tear. They dyed Light's hair with red koolaid (which also looks like blood), tied him up, and threw him in the middle of the street. Light couldn't move, and on top of that, his scalp was burning from the powder. People driving by stared in horror, which only caused the oompa loompas to laugh harder. Glen's plan went well.

By the way, my friend an I literally did that with my brother's best friend but instead of tying him up, we just made him lay there and act dead because koolaid really does look like blood. Anyway, the looks on the people's faces were hilarious!


	4. Fat people and s'more

Mello Wonka

Chapter 4 – Fat people and s'more

After the little episode outside with Light and the oompa loompas, Ryuk decided to re-enter the building. At least inside, there might be something that could satisfy his boredom. Yeah, maybe he would stalk Light's so called girlfriend, Misa. Ryuk looked around for the window in which everyone had entered earlier. When he found it and took notice at the size of the opening, he shook his head and then approached the front door. Without hesitation, Ryuk lifted his right leg and kicked down the door. Of course, instead of walking through the wall (which shinigami were supposed to do anyway), kicking down the door seemed like some entertainment.

He caught the group just exiting the chocolate room. They all looked confused as the door fell hard onto the white tile floor beneath them. Who could have done it though if there was no one standing before them that they couldn't confront? "Whatever, must have been the wind or something." Mello said, brushing it off. Ryuk flew silently over to Misa and began following her from behind. She was walking behind everyone else. Now, all he had to do now was get Misa to notice his presence. After all, wish Misa's busy life style, she probably had a lot more entertaining things to do than that self centered boyfriend of hers. Without thinking, Ryuk ripped a piece of a page out from his Death Note and lightly tapped her shoulder with it. Now Misa was able to see him. It wasn't until about two minutes later that Misa got the feeling that someone was stalking her. _Nonsense, the oompa loompas must just be following the group. _Misa thought. She turned around to be sure, but she saw no oompa loompas.

Immediately Misa came to a complete stop, and screamed. Ryuk had to laugh for her expression was indeed better than Light's. Misa wanted to say something but it felt as if she had no voice anymore. It was gone. The group also came to a stop. Ryuk was obviously not visible to them. Suddenly, something or someone busted out of the crack in the wall next to Ryuk. To Misa, it was just another monster. As for Ryuk, it was his female friend, Rem.

"Holy shit!" Misa blurted out without thinking. Mello rolled his eyes and glanced at his watch.

"Look blondie, I don't have all day so stop hallucinating and get your ass in gear." Mello said impatiently. He motioned the group to follow him onward, leaving Misa frozen in shock. She finally noticed them and forced her legs to move. Meanwhile, Near noticed something that he thought might have had to do with the Kira case in some way… or the secret investigation that he was conducting against Mello. _First there was said to be people having massive hallucinations at the grocery store, then this girl is having some sort of hallucination as well. _Near thought.

Rem and Ryuk started following close behind Misa. It was Rem who then spoke. "Ryuk, how is she able to see me as well as yourself?" Rem asked. _That's right. I touched Misa with my death note so Rem should actually be invisible._ Ryuk thought.

"I don't know. Why are you here anyway?" Ryuk asked. Actually now that you think about it, how did Rem even know that Ryuk would be at Mello's factory? Makes you wonder holyman.

"I came to get my death note back." Rem replied, looking at the death note that Ryuk claimed was his. Then, she snatched it off of his belt.

"Hey! This is my death note! No wonder." Rem said, rolling her eyes. Ryuk grabbed it from her hands.

"Thanks. Now it's mine." He said. Suddenly Misa spun around with an annoyed look on her face.

"God shut the fuck up!" She shouted. She was so busy listening to them, that she hadn't noticed Mello was explaining something at the same time. He turned around and gave Misa the most furious look.

"Is there a problem?" Mello asked, trying so hard not to beat the shit out of Misa because when Mello is mad, Mello smashes things. She shook her head, and they continued with the tour. Rem almost forgot what she was supposed to say when Misa first saw her, although I don't think Misa would really care now.

"We are shinigami, and no, we will not eat your face off. We're on your side." Rem explained. Misa felt somewhat relieved from the statement, and couldn't help but smile. She began talking to them. What she didn't know was that Near was about one foot in front of her. He was secretly eavesdropping what Misa began mumbling. _Who is she talking to?_ Near thought. He was thinking of all the invisible things that you could talk to, except imaginary friends because they don't scare the living hell out of you. Then, making his thoughts audible, he blurted out what would lead the small group to their next destination.

"That's it! A shinigami!" Near blurted out. Before Mello could comment on his enemy's outburst, L, who was standing next to Watari in front of Near, spun around so fast that he almost fell over. His eyes looked as if they might pop out of their sockets any moment. He also looked as if he'd been touched by death himself.

"S-shinigami?" he said in almost a whisper. Suddenly, L threw his arms up and went ballistic. He started screaming and running in circles. After twenty seconds, his big toe got caught on the bottom of his jeans. L tripped and fell forward through the wall to everyone's right.

"Well, I suppose I can show you this room first." Mello said stepping over the small part of the wall which remained untouched. "Actually I have this invention that I wish to show you." Mello added. Watari helped the fallen L back to his feet, and they caught up behind the others.

Mello led them over to a large machine. It was a big bulky piece of metal with a whole mess of buttons on the left side of it, and a slot on the right. Mello pointed to a sphere which everyone turned to, and began explaining. "This is where the ingredients are mixed together. Now over here," Mello continued pointing to a set of buttons on the side of the rectangular piece. "These are for the flavors. I'm still inventing flavors so these aren't the only ones. The blue is for chocolate, the green for caramel, and white for cookies and cream. Those are the best according to the oompa loompas." Mello paused when he got to the red button and threw himself in front of it. He had his cane ready as if to beat someone with it. Then he continued his explanation, wrapping it up. "This button starts it. I know that red buttons are tempting to push so I armed this with a whole crap load of electricity. There's a code to disarm it." Quickly Mello punched in the code. Shortly afterwards, Near raised his hand slightly to ask a question.

"So, what does it do?" Near asked.

"What?"

"What does it make?"

"Well, I was getting to that Mr. Nate the great." Mello said, silencing him with a smile. Near hated it when Mello called him that. He gave Mello a scornful look in return. "Now, if you would follow me over here." Mello continued, pressing the red button. The group silently obeyed and watch in amazement as they went to the other side of the machine. The machine began the process. It roared for a moment, and then there was a churning noise from inside. As the machine mixed the ingredients, Near glanced over at Mello and began thinking again.

_There is something behind all of this. I just know it. That brown wrapper wasn't from your chocolate. _Near thought. Halle interrupted him to show that the machine had finally stopped. The noise died down and a small object shot out of the slot. It looked like a Hershey's kiss, but not with Hershey's chocolate. Mello held the piece up with his thumb and index fingers. "Well, do I have any taste testers?" Mello asked. He looked at Matt standing all alone to the right, from Mello's point of view. Matt noticed and quietly took the piece of candy.

"It's alright I guess, but there's something familiar about it." Matt said. Mello noticed Near's suspicion after that statement. Before Matt went, he noticed that his skin tone began to change. It was getting darker, and he was getting fatter.

"Dude are you okay?" Mello asked. That wasn't supposed to happen. The item was already tested on the oompa loompas and only one had gotten the reaction. Matt couldn't move. He was very plump now, and not the kind that is pleasing. His skin was brown like the chocolate he had eaten only a few seconds before. Mello had no choice but to call upon the oompa loompas again. He couldn't leave his friend in this condition. As they all walked through the door, all of their eyes immediately fell on Matt. He was bigger than the machine! Some how the oompa loompas had predicted this. Three of them stood on one side of matt, preparing to roll him away, while the other two stood on the other side, ready to direct them of where to roll the poor man.

Before the oompa loompas began to make their departure, Mello stopped them. "What is it now Wonka? We're about ready to annihilate these damn whack jobs." Jack said, sounded impatient.

"Well at least does he get a song?" Mello asked. Matt was his friend, but what made Light so special? He acted obnoxious and now he's probably squashed flat on the side of the road. _I wouldn't want to be the person cleaning that up. _He added quietly to himself.

"Sure." Rod said with a false smile that he forced upon his face. He nodded to the other oompa loompas and then as hard as he could, kicked Mr. Wonka in the knee. "That's what you get you chocolate slut!" And with that, the oompa loompas along with Matt exited to a room where Matt would be shrunken back to normal size and have his skin its old color. After a minute of rolling in pain and absorbing the words that Jack so harshly said, Mello sprung to his feet and stared towards the others.

"Why are you looking like that? Matt won't share the same fate as that other kid." Mello said. Obviously that's not why they were staring. It was the violence that had just occurred right in front of their faces. Ryuk's stomach suddenly growled.

"Getting kind of hungry." He said, pulling out an apple. Misa took notice and without thinking, said the same thing. Everyone locked their gaze on her once more. Mello glanced at the round analog clock on the wall.

"Well I suppose we could eat. Alright follow me if you want food." He said. Near's curiosity had his mind racing again. _I know you don't stare your chocolate bars Mello and it's the only thing you have to eat. If it was another brand though, perhaps… _Near got distracted and stumbled into Misa who returned it with a brutal slap to his face. He began rubbing the pain away as they halted at a bright orange door.

"Why is the door orange?" Halle asked. It seemed to stand out from everything else.

"What is there a problem with the color orange?" Mello asked. Before Halle could continue anymore, Mello started going on again. "You know maybe I like the color orange ok did you ever think of that?" He asked, sounding offended. Halle once again tried to talk to him but he simply cut her off and began leading them into the room. "Instead of giving you all a chocolate bar, I think we should make s'mores or something instead. I have marshmallows and those cracker thingies." Mello explained. The room that they were led into did not have much to it at all. The door was painted a bright color, but the inside wasn't painted anything. It was sort of gray looking, like a depressing room that hadn't been touched for a while. Mello took them to the center, where a bunch of sticks were thrown into a pile. "I've been wanting to do this for a while. Everyone stand back. Getting your face burned off is not our responsibility."

Mello took a lighter and held it over one stick. Eventually they all lit up and there was a huge fire in the middle of the room. He had to open windows so the smoke didn't suffocate the people. As he was opening them he explained that that was not his responsibility either. After that he grabbed all of the supplies that they would need and told them to grab whatever they would like. Misa however, decided to stare at the fire. "Wow I wish Light could be here to see this." Misa said. As she went to go get the food to roast over the fire, she didn't notice that there were a few sticks on the floor left to put the marshmallows on. Misa wasn't looking down at the floor at the moment and got her foot caught on one. She stumbled to her right, where the fire sat. Without anything or anyone to grab onto, she began to burn to death in the orangey flames.

Absolutely no one dared to go near the flames to help her. They sat and watched like it was a TV show. Misa screamed for help over and over, but no one moved. Mello didn't feel like getting up anyway. After a few minutes, the fire was still roaring, and in the center of it, Misa lay motionless. "Well, I think I just about lost my appetite." Watari exclaimed. Mello ate the last two pieces of his chocolate bar.

"I agree. Well, there are only two of you left. Look at that. Let's just hope you don't screw up like the girl. Now, I really want to show you this one room. It is truly outstanding." Mello said, looking at Near who still seemed to be suspicious. _I will find you out Mello and tell everyone that you are a fraud. This is not your chocolate. The people will soon find out. _Near thought. Little did Near know, Mello had the perfect plan for him and it was about to take action very soon.


	5. Explosions and New Beginnings

Mello Wonka

Chapter 5 – Explosions and a new beginning

A/N: I've decided to make this the last chapter of Mello Wonka. Yes that's right; it has to come to an end at some point. So only two remain. Who will take over the factory with Mello? Please R&R!

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Only two of them remained. "Ryuzaki", and Near who both had been following Mello around for what seemed like forever. He said earlier twice that he wanted to show them a room that was one of his favorites, but that destination felt like it was impossible to reach now. They stopped at two different rooms already on their way there. In one, there was a giant coffee machine that made a variety of flavors. Mello asked if L or Near were willing to try some of it, but they both refused, recalling what happened to Matt earlier. At one point, L was wondering how long it would take for the oompa loompas to turn Matt back to normal size and color. He'd been gone for quite a while.

The second room that they visited on their way contained one of L's favorite kind of sweets. There were many small rectangular shaped boxes piled high on top of each other, full of pocky. Mello was making flavors other than chocolate. That's not all that he makes you know. He explained that to Near and L earlier. "I don't just make chocolate. Even though it is my favorite thing to eat," Mello explained, walking past the machine which made the flavors. He tasted a white substance, mumbled something to himself, nodded, and continued. "I am tired of just either chocolate or strawberry pocky. There should be more like maybe caramel. I'm in the process of making white chocolate. Would you like to try some? I promise that you won't change into a stick."

Mello looked at both of them. They were unsure, but then decided to taste it anyway. It's not like they weren't sticks already. "Well what do you think?" Mello asked. He eagerly waited for a reply. Near didn't say anything. He was investigating the taste of the chocolate.

"This tastes somewhat familiar to that other brand, Hershey's I believe." Near said. Mello froze and gave him a look.

"Really? I didn't think so. Ryuzaki?" Mello said as if he didn't know what Near was talking about. They turned to L, waiting for his opinion.

"I don't know. I eat a lot of different kinds of chocolate so I can't really tell." He replied. Yeah that was true, L did eat a whole bunch of sweets all the time, and I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even care what they were called. As long as it has SUGAH!! Anyway, Mello gave Near the suspicious look this time. _Damn it what is he doing? Near I swear to God…_Mello thought.

"Okay. We're almost to the room that I want to show you guys most. Now, if you will please exit the room." Mello said. Now that Near knew that something was up, Mello had to do something that would keep him from losing his reputation. Closing the door behind him, he looked at the others. "Before we continue, I have to do something so If you will just wait out here. I'll only be a minute." And with that, Mello disappeared through a smaller door on the opposite side of the hallway.

-Line Break- In the room

"Alright listen up," Mello said to the group of oompa loompas. They were just kind of chillin' and listening to rap music. After all, Mello didn't ask them to work today because of the tour. "Near knows about the chocolate." The oompa loompas looked at him in surprise.

"What are you talking about?" Rashual asked. There was a great deal of things that Near could have known about. More specifically, Mello began to explain.

"I think he might know that the chocolate you guys used to make the pocky isn't really our chocolate…AND I think he saw one of the chocolate wrappers. I told you guys that you couldn't do that, that someone was bound to find out. Damn it, of all people it HAD to be that brat. You guys know the plan right?"

"Yeah we know. True dat." Jack replied. He looked at the others who nodded, and then they each took out a gun. Mello's eyes widened.

"What the hell are you doing? I told you that we can't just shoot him! Even though I would like to, we have witnesses. Go with plan B. Oh and where is Matt?" Mello asked. The oompa loompas look disappointed and put their guns away…for now.

"Matt is still being taken care of. His skin is still to dark. He looks like a Mexican. Don't flip the fuck out boss. He'll be ready in the time for the plan. As soon as you take care of the brat, the plan will take action. We have a camera on the room." Rod explained. Mello smiled a menacing smile.

"Alright. I'll go do that now." Mello said. He hid his excitement before joining the others in the hallway. He tried in vain to hold back his laughter when he looked at Near. "Alright everybody, I will show you one last room. This is my favorite and bet you can't guess why." They left the hallway they were standing in behind, turned right, then left, straight, left, then right again. None of them had time to take in what the factory actually looked like on the inside. They were trying to keep up with Mello who was walking rather fast, about five feet in front of them. In the hallway that they were in, there was a dead end. No where else to go. There was only one door at the end too. Just as the others thought Mello was about to walk into the door, being as close as he was to it, he suddenly spun around, causing Near to almost stumble into him.

Near recalled running into Misa earlier. He could still feel the pain on the side of his face. If you looked close enough, there was a faint red handprint. Near got chills when he thought of Misa calling him a pervert. Now he was actually happy that she fell into the fire. How dare her! _Dat bitch don't know who she talkin' to. _Near thought. To him, Mello wasn't any better either.

"Alright," said Mello unlocking the door. "I would like you guys to enter first, I'll follow behind." Near was first behind him. He gave Mello one more suspicious look and started walking slowly into the room. The first one. Halle was about to go to, but just as she did, Mello stepped in between them. He pushed Halle back with one hand, and pushed Near into the room with the other. Near stumbled in over his two feet and fell on his face. Immediately, Mello slammed the door and locked it again. He took a moment until his breathing was normal again, then he turned towards the others. Halle regained her balance.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MELLO?!" She shouted, still taking in the scene that just occurred right in front of her face. Mello walked over to L and smiled.

"Congratulations!" He said to L, who looked quite surprised. "Halle, you know that Near and I cannot possibly work together. L you are welcome to join me at the factory. All the sweets that you can eat, and my chocolate bars if you ask. Oh and the fellow that came along with you can stay too." Of course this was a lot for L to take in at once. He was still in shock.

"Thank you. This is an honor but, what are you going to do with the boy. Surely you are just joking around aren't you?" L asked. He wouldn't have done such a thing to a boy that he barely even knew. Mello was way different than L though.

"Don't worry about that. I have a plan to fulfill. Halle, I'm sorry but Near lost. You can't stay, but you can still come whenever. Just tell me first. The oompa loompas scared the shit out of me this morning. Now if you would, I have to go. L you can start moving your stuff in. I'm sure that will take longer than what I will have to do." Mello explained. First he would have to go get Matt, and then they could follow through with the plan.

-Line Break – In the room that Mello threw Near in

It had been fifteen minutes since Near had been locked away in this tiny little room. _Damn it Mello! How did you know that I was claustrophobic?! _Near thought. He grew bored. Suddenly there was a kick on the door, and then it slowly opened. Near didn't even bother to move. It was probably Mello and chances are that he was armed with some sort of weapon. Near watched as five oompa loompas surrounded him. Near was right, they were armed. Each one with a gun.

"Say something and we'll bust your ass. Got that?" Zakk said. Near's expression didn't change. Just like L. You could never tell what he was thinking or feeling. While one held a gun up to Near, the other four took rope and tied him up. After that they covered the rope with duct tape so that it was even harder to get out. Near remained motionless. _Try to struggle and you'll make yourself look like a fag. Let's just see what Mello has planned. _Near thought. A random camera that Near hadn't noticed before switched on. It displayed the parking lot of Toys R Us with the store in full view. Near got a bad feeling. He kept his eyes on the camera at all time. Why would Mello have a camera set on Near's most favorite store?

-Line Break- Toys R Us parking lot.

"Sponge Bob to Patrick, are you ready?" Mello said to Matt.

"Yeah I guess, way to make your self look suspicious Mello." Matt replied. He was 100 percent right. In broad daylight, they were the only two people in the middle of an empty parking lot (except Matt's car) on Sunday when the store was closed. Mello changed his clothes to all black which made him look even more suspicious. Matt was still….well….Matt. It took them at least twenty minutes to set explosives all the way around the store, and in it. Near hadn't seen them do that. The oompa loompas turned on the camera after the fact.

Mello had the detonator in his had. "Alright. On the count of three press the button." Mello said. Matt simply nodded. Near was watching in the camera. "1," _What are they planning, just standing there? _"2," _Mello you better not… _"THREE BITCH!" _NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! _Mello and Matt each pressed the button at the same time. They watched as the building came crumbling down to the ground. Mello was dying to see Near's expression. Luckily the oompa loompas had it on tape.

Meanwhile, Near was lying in shock. His face was priceless. Eyes popping out, mouth wide open, it was almost like he was going into withdrawal from the world. Actually, I think he was.

"Quick! To the Mello mobile! I have to see Near's face!" Mello shouted. He already had a head start. By the time Matt even got to the car, Mello was already strapped into the passenger side.

"By the way Mello," Matt said while starting the car. "It's my car. Have you forgotten that little detail? Your motorcycle is the Mello mobile." Mello wasn't paying attention though. As they pulled up to the top of the driveway, Mello opened the door and jumped. Matt slammed on the breaks. "What the hell are you thinking?!" He asked, "I could have like run you over. Dude no ok just no never again." Mello disappeared through the front door which still wasn't fixed.

The oompa loompas flinched when Mello kicked down the door to their room. "WHERE'S THE TAPE!?" He shouted with a piece of chocolate in his mouth.

"Mello," Jack said, turning the tape on again "why don't you just lay off the sugar for a while." Mello was having a sugar rush. Gee what the best time to have one too. Before rewinding the tape to earlier before the explosion, Mello wanted to see Near in his current state. Near was still laying there, but this time he was in a fetal position. Mello started cracking up, nearly choking on his chocolate. Near really did go into withdrawal from the world. He was scarred for life now.

And so now I bring this fan fiction to a close. L and Mello owned the factory together and things have been going better ever since. Watari is also staying with them. A few days after Near went into withdrawal, Mello untied him and he decided to start his own toy factory. As for that bastard Kira, it turned out to be Light because Soichiro investigated Mikami's house. I turns out that he had every one of Light's modeling pictures all over the walls. Some which said "I love God." So Soichiro picked up Light from the side of the road, and executed him along with Mikami.

Afterwards…

Sam: Hey guys what did you think of the story?

Jack: There shoulda been more of us ya know?

Sam: I suppose….how about singing a little song for the people out there?

(Glen kicks Sam in the knee and they all leave)

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A/N: Alright in my opinion I don't think that the ending was the BEST ending but it wasn't the worst. I didn't really feel like making it epic and I had to decide who was going to help Mello with the factory. I don't particularly like Near. See, I'm like Mello. Lot's of chocolate 24/7 and I don't hang out with kids who play with dollies and transformers. Looking forward to your reviews!!


End file.
